


supercut

by orphan_account



Category: Produce 101 China
Genre: Angst, F/F, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-16 05:35:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14805338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “ruiqi,” zining says. “she loved you first.”





	supercut

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! i am here with a pd101 china fic . i still don’t know what it is though. this initially was supposed to be a short, one scene drabble thing (zining’s conversation with ruiqi) but it went a tad out of control lmao
> 
> title from lorde.

ruiqi is into her fourth hour of trying to fall asleep when she hears a knock on her door.

 

“god,” she groans. checks the time—nearly two in the morning. she gets up and drags herself out of bed to answer it, blanket still wrapped around her shoulders.

 

when she swings it open, light floods in, and she has to squint to see who it is.

 

the silhouette comes into focus, and ruiqi’s heart drops. her throat burns. it’s the last person she wants to see.

 

“ruiqi, hi,” zining says. “i’m sorry if i woke you, but i need your help.”

 

ruiqi swallows. steels herself. “with?”

 

zining smiles and cocks her head. “why don’t we talk outside?”

 

 

-

 

 

zining takes her into the common area, where ruiqi finds some of the girls sleeping—undoubtedly just taking short naps, intending to return to a studio to practice when they wake up. she and zining stay as far as possible from them as not to wake them, tucked into a corner.

 

“so.” ruiqi puts her hands together. “what do you need?”

 

“it’s renyu,” is zining’s answer, because of course it is. “she’s so—she won’t stop crying.”

 

“comfort her,” ruiqi says. almost winces when she realises how irritated she sounds.

 

zining lets out a terrible thing of a sigh. “i’ve _tried_ , but she just . . . she really wants to make up with you.”

 

ruiqi narrows her eyes. “we had a fight. big deal. it happens, in places like this especially.”

 

“no, it doesn’t,” zining tells her. “not with the two of you, at least.”

 

a sharp ache appears above ruiqi’s brow. she turns her head away. “zining, i’m pretty sure the person renyu needs right now is you, not me. so it would make me really happy if you’d go back to her and help her fall asleep. she has rehearsals with yanbin-ge tomorrow.”

 

“she was adamant, ruiqi. she just really needs to talk to you, and you don’t even want to look at her.” zining’s voice is laced with so much concern that ruiqi almost feels guilty about her resentment.

 

“that’s not my fault.”

 

“and she knows it. she does. she knows she messed up—but did she really mess up so badly that you can’t give her a chance? i can’t imagine something that can come between you two.”

 

ruiqi looks at zining again, brows high. “she didn’t tell you why we’re fighting?”

 

“no.” zining frowns and shakes her head. “there’s still some things she can’t tell me. there’s still some things i can’t be for her.”

 

ruiqi doesn’t budge. she keeps her head down and counts her breaths. one, two, three. exhale. wonders when would be the appropriate time to get up and leave. hopes it’s right now.

 

just then, she feels her hand enveloped in warmth. zining had taken it.

 

“ruiqi,” she says, “she loved you first.”

 

her breath stops midway through her chest. her other hand closes into a fist, her fingernails digging into her palm.

 

“i know,” ruiqi breathes out. “i know.”

 

-

_“su ruiqi, you’re so cool!”_

_ruiqi rests her hands on her hips, breathing still heavy_ _._ _she’d just finished recording another cover_ _._ _“thanks.”_

_“ruiqi jiejie!” renyu screams, hands around her mouth_ _._ _a_ _total fangirl. “i love you!”_

_ruiqi laughs as she picks up a water bottle_ _._ _she goes along with renyu’s act_ _._ _“i love you too!”_

_“i love you more!”_

_“i love you most!”_

_renyu doesn’t respond immediately_ _._ _she puffs her cheeks, pensive_ _._ _when she gets an answer—or so ruiqi assumes—_ _s_ _he smiles and bellows, “i loved you first!”_

_ruiqi laughs and raises a brow_ _._ _“what does that even mean?”_

_“when you got the teddy bear for me at the arcade,” renyu explains. “i told you i loved you? i’m pretty sure that was the first time either of us said it.”_

_well, renyu’s right_ _._ _ruiqi’s not too keen on throwing around i love yous—especially towards renyu. it might reveal a little more than she’d like. “okay, okay. you win this time.”_

_“what do you mean, this time?” renyu’s smile is devilish_ _._ _“i win_ all _the time. su ruiqi: second place extraordinaire.”_

 

-

 

“ _my ruiqi is getting so popular! so many people love you now—but i loved you first, okay?”_ _renyu says, smile wide_ _._ _she pinches ruiqi’s cheeks_ _._ _  
_

_-_

_“zining and i . . . i think we’re a thing now.”_

_ruiqi chokes on her porridge. renyu is quick to rub her hand on her back; soothing, soft circles. ruiqi reaches for a glass of water, takes her time in glugging it down so she has an excuse to not talk._

_eventually, though, it runs out. “congratulations,” ruiqi says, a little more defeated than she’d like._

_renyu, of course, notices. nothing escapes her. “remember,” she tells her, brows forming a crease in the middle of her forehead, “i loved you first.”_

_-_

_“go away.”_

_“no, ruiqi, please, i said i was sorry—”_

_“did you not hear me the first time? go. away.”_

_“listen, it just slipped my mind, it won’t happen again! i know i told you i’d come—”_

_“renyu, the seventeenth has been_ ours. _for_ years. _and i don’t know if this day is as special to you as it is to me, because i look for you and see you with someone else—”_

_“ruiqi.” renyu clenches her jaw._ _h_ _er gaze is intense and ruiqi doesn’t know what to do about it_ _._ _“i loved you first.”_

_ruiqi snorts. “well, that clearly doesn’t matter now, does it?”_

_-_

the heartbreak surges up ruiqi’s chest like a storm, just as angry as it was that night. when she finally looks at zining again, she doesn’t hide the tears threatening to fall.

 

zining’s expression shifts the slightest bit. ruiqi knows she’s intelligent, so it won’t take much time for her to deduce the situation. she watches it happen: zining’s eyes widen, her fingers twitch, and she inhales, sharp.

 

“oh,” zining sighs. her voice is so, so quiet. “oh.”

 

“yeah.” ruiqi swallows the lump in her throat.

 

“who else knows?” zining asks. she’s still holding onto ruiqi’s hand.

 

“just you,” she tells her. “just you.”

 

“i—”

 

ruiqi withdraws her hand. “so you’d understand why i don’t want to talk to you as much as i don’t want to talk to renyu.”

 

zining’s jaw ticks. there’s a moment of dreadful anticipation for ruiqi—zining can be legitimately terrifying when she wants to be. but surprise comes when zining’s eyes soften and she takes ruiqi’s hand back. “talk to her, please. as much as you’re hurting now—and i’m sorry you are—she is in pain, too.”

 

ruiqi has never been angry at zining. she could never be, because it’s no one’s fault but her own heart’s that she’s hurt. “don’t be sorry,” she replies. “but i need time.”

 

“you know, right?” zining asks. “that she’d rather have you than me. she thinks about you almost all the time. and from the short time we’ve spent together, with xiaocao and the others . . . i can say the same about you.”

 

“yeah.” ruiqi shrugs. “well.”

 

“please don’t let her lose you.” zining’s voice is almost desperate. “i can’t imagine anything worse.”

 

“she should have thought about that when she broke my heart,” ruiqi snaps.

 

zining purses her lips and nods. she lets go of ruiqi’s hand, too. “talk to her, okay?” she says, before patting ruiqi’s thigh and standing up.

 

ruiqi doesn’t reply.

 

 

-

 

 

lunch the next day is a challenge.

 

she’d been timing her mealtimes so that she wouldn’t run into renyu, but since renyu has a different schedule today because of her rehearsal with the mentors, they’re in the cafeteria at the same time.

 

renyu looks at her and raises her hand halfway before knowing better. she puts it back down and goes back to eating her food and talking to her groupmates. when ruiqi gets a better look, she sees that renyu’s eyes are bloodshot. it’s either she cried herself to sleep or couldn’t sleep because she was crying too much. _jesus._

when ruiqi decides to sit beside the super jet girls instead, the two of them stare at her oddly.

 

“i hope it’s not weird for me to be here,” ruiqi says, setting down her tray.

 

“it is,” tiantian replies, always so blunt. ruiqi winces.

 

dexi slaps her hand. “tiantian!” she scolds, before turning her head back to ruiqi, eyes kind. “it’s fine, come eat with us,” she says.

 

“thank you,” ruiqi replies, and takes her seat.

 

while ruiqi has her food, though, she still feels the occasional stray glance from either of them. and from someone else across the room, too.

 

-

 

“ruiqi!” meiqi calls.

 

she stops on her way to the practice studios. “meiqi,” ruiqi greets. “what’s up?”

 

“i’m looking for renyu,” she says. “i was just hoping you knew where she might be.”

 

“oh.” ruiqi clenches her fist. “i don’t.”

 

meiqi takes a step back. she obviously wasn’t prepared for this answer. “sorry, i just thought—you guys are always together.”

 

she digs her hands into her pockets. her eyes are starting to sting. “yeah, not always.”

 

“oh. okay.” meiqi takes another step back. “thanks, i guess. good luck with practice.”

 

as soon as meiqi turns the corner, ruiqi runs the entire way back to her dorm and sobs quietly into her pillow.

 

-

 

eight days. it’s the longest they’ve ever gone without speaking to each other.

 

-

 

ruiqi wonders how it got this bad. how years of friendship had dissolved in her hands. is she really so selfish that she’d prefer to not have renyu at all rather than to have her, but not the way she wants?

 

-

 

she gets her answer when she sees zining and renyu laughing together. she can’t ruin something like that.

 

-

 

“look at you,” zining says, catching ruiqi in a studio. “you’re—have you been eating?”

 

“i’m fine.” ruiqi clenches her jaw and takes another sip of her water.

 

“don’t overwork yourself.”

 

“i need to practice,” ruiqi replies. “i’ll be eliminated in the next batch if i don’t do well here.”

 

she looks at herself in the mirror. cheeks hollower. circles under her eyes darker. her ribs and hips jut out more than they used to. her shirt hangs looser. she has to tie the strings on her sweatpants tighter.

 

yeah. she looks awful.

 

“renyu’s miserable without you,” zining says. “and you have to admit, you’re miserable without her, too.”

 

-

 

“hey, ruiqi?” yijia asks after dinner. “do you think you can help me in the studio for a while? i’m having a little trouble with some of the moves.”

 

“oh.” seems like the novel she’s been reading will have to wait. “okay.”

 

yijia leads her down the halls and ruiqi eventually realises where they’re going. there aren’t any other practice rooms this way except for—

 

ruiqi’s too late. the door to the a class practice studio is in front of her. when yijia opens the door, ruiqi already knows that she didn’t need any help from her whatsoever.

 

a familiar pink sweater and brown hair greets them. renyu turns around, eyes wide, before her expression eventually settles for a nervous smile.

 

ruiqi’s chest aches. she hisses, “luo yijia—”

 

“don’t! don’t get mad at her. i asked her to do it,” renyu says.

 

ruiqi exhales. “go, yijia.”

 

yijia looks all too eager to run away. ruiqi shuts the door behind her.

 

“ruiqi.” renyu takes a step closer. “ _ruiqi_.”

 

she hadn’t heard her name in that voice for so long that it knocks the wind right out of her.

 

“what happened to you?” renyu asks. she gets even closer and puts her hands on ruiqi’s face, studying it with her fingertips. ruiqi tries her best not to flinch. “you’re too thin.”

 

“i need to put in work if i want to stay.”

 

“but you need to take care of yourself, too.”

 

ruiqi can’t stop the flutter in her stomach, her own body betraying how she really feels. this is the first time renyu has shown concern for her in weeks. and while that’s ruiqi’s own fault, it still has the same effect.

 

renyu takes a deep breath. “look, whatever i did—i’m sorry. i don’t even care why you’re angry, even if i don’t know. i keep on replaying our fight, and—we’ve fought about bigger things! and made up hours later! but i must’ve done _something_ to upset you, and whatever it is, i’m sorry. just come back to me? please?”

 

ruiqi doesn’t know how to tell her. doesn’t even want to tell her in the first place. that she’d do anything renyu would ask. follow her to the ends of the earth. that she can’t handle that renyu is with somebody else. that they’re going have to separate eventually, anyway—renyu is on track to be in the final group. ruiqi isn’t. that zining is a sure spot, too, and how bitter that makes ruiqi feel. all swimming in her chest, desperate to be let out.

 

“i’m sorry,” ruiqi croaks. “but i really just can’t see you right now.”

 

“then _when?_ ” renyu asks, the end of it coming out almost a sob. she grabs ruiqi’s shoulders. “i’ll make a countdown or whatever—a week? three? a month?”

 

ruiqi shakes her head. there’s warmth on her cheeks, too. “i can’t say.”

 

“can’t say _what?_ ”

 

“when.”

 

“how about whether we can go back?”

 

“i can’t say either.”

 

“well—what _can_ you say?”

 

“i’m afraid nothing much.”

 

“ruiqi, i said i was _sorry—”_

 

“sorry just doesn’t cut it sometimes, renyu.”

 

“then what will? what do you want me to say? what do you want to hear from me?”

 

_terrible, unimaginable things_ _,_ ruiqi thinks to herself. _like_ _,_ _‘i’ve always loved you.’ or_ _,_ _‘it’s been you this whole time.’ or_ _,_ _‘zining is a mistake.’_

ruiqi sighs. “we can’t solve everything.”

 

renyu’s face scrunches up and the hold she has on ruiqi’s shoulders tighten. “yes, we can! god, what do you think of us, ruiqi?”

 

“obviously more than _you_ think of _us_ ,” ruiqi snaps back. “considering you forgot—”

 

“the _seventeenth_?” r _e_ nyu exclaims, incredulous. “that’s a date we set aside for us in case we get so busy that we can’t see each other! if you were mad about that, you’d be _talking_ to me, not the opposite!”

 

“ren—”

 

“i spent that day with zining, but how does that _change_ anything? i don’t know how many times i have to say that _i loved you first_!”

 

ruiqi feels like she’s been struck in the chest. she doesn’t say anything to renyu, just looks at her, completely vulnerable.

 

“it’s a _day of the month_ , ruiqi!” renyu pleads. “why are you so willing to set aside _everything_ for a _date_?”

 

“ _because_ , renyu!” ruiqi’s voice rises. “because i—”

 

she catches herself. bites her tongue. renyu’s breathing heavily in front of her, cheeks flushed. a tear escapes her eye.

 

“because _what_?” she hisses.

 

“nothing,” ruiqi says. “i’m tired, renyu, i don’t know what i’m saying. i need to sleep.”

 

renyu narrows her eyes. she studies ruiqi for a long moment, suspicious, indignant. eventually, though, she relents.

 

“fine. i’ll let you go,” she says between clenched teeth, relinquishing her hold on ruiqi’s shoulder. “but we’re not finished.”

 

ruiqi nods. she walks away and exits the practice room, leaving her behind.

 

she doesn’t sleep much that night.

 

-

 

ruiqi locks herself up for the next few days, sticks to eat, practice, and sleep as her way of life. just dedicates herself to the competition and nothing more.

 

-

 

renyu still tries to steal her away, sometimes. sometimes it’s in the form of yitian inviting her over for games, or mohan just so happening to “have” a stash of ruiqi’s favourite snack. she sees right through them, though.

 

-

 

“you’re sad,” chaoyue says, so candidly that it renders ruiqi speechless for a good few seconds.

 

“you know that because . . . ?”

 

“i just do,” chaoyue says, and shrugs. she fishes a small chocolate from her jacket pocket. “here. these always make me feel better.”

 

ruiqi smiles, taking it. “thank you.”

 

she hums while munching on it, sweetness bursting in her mouth, and chaoyue looks at her, thoughtful. “your sadness—it can be so easily solved.”

 

her humming stops. “what do you mean?”

 

chaoyue grins. “i’m renyu’s groupmate. i see her often.” she looks up and closes her eyes, and then looks back at ruiqi.

 

“you two are as sad as each other. it doesn’t take a genius,” she says, and then walks away.

 

-

 

zining tries to visit ruiqi’s dorm room, again. when she sticks her head through the door, all ruiqi gives her is a shake of the head. she sighs, but nods, understanding, and leaves.

 

-

 

renyu stops trying.

 

-

 

dexi and tiantian have become a steady appearance by ruiqi’s side. two extreme opposites that always keep ruiqi on her toes. other girls, too—qiuzi, xiaoyu, yingxi, yunqing. all who have managed to put a smile back on ruiqi’s face.

 

-

 

ruiqi starts to heal.

 

-

 

renyu has dress rehearsals.

 

ruiqi decides to watch, just for the hell of it. she catches snippets of the song they’re doing occasionally, and it’s promising. anything renyu’s in is bound to sound good, anyway.

 

the lights go on, and the song begins.

 

renyu really takes up the stage like no other. even when she’s not singing, she can attract gazes. she’s tall, pretty, but it’s the look she has to her that screams that she was born for this that really reels people in. (ruiqi, obviously, is not an exception.)

 

when renyu’s gaze flits from side to side, watching out for cues and instructions, her eyes eventually fall on ruiqi’s.

 

ruiqi can tell she’s surprised by the slight tick of her brow, but she doesn’t show much else. she puts her mic up to level and starts singing her part.

 

she hasn’t let go of ruiqi’s gaze at this point, staring right at her. every syllable that comes from renyu’s mouth seems to hit her square in the chest.

 

but eventually, renyu’s eyes shift. they’ve locked onto another person, and ruiqi cranes her neck to see who it is.

 

zining.

 

ruiqi chuckles.

 

_su ruiqi_ , she thinks to herself. _second place extraordinaire._

 

**Author's Note:**

> vote for ruiqi and renyu! (and meiqi yingxi fujing chaoyue zining ziting)


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